Read the original 10 Myths about Introverts first.
In honor of the sixth anniversary, I present some specific advice for titling fake memoirs:
In addition to titles that refer to frequency/large numbers or consequences (seen here), I recommend avoiding titles that refer to size (=> big lies, whoppers), beds and sleep (=> lying), and whether one's pants are currently on fire (obvious). (Loyal readers will recognize that all these topics also appear in my full‐length entry into the advice business, How to Avoid Setting Up "That's What She Said" Jokes.)
Today marks the fifth anniversary of the release of James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, and if you've been keeping up with the latest in intentionally‐miscategoried‐fiction news, you know that authors haven't learned their lesson: "Fabricating events in a memoir can have serious consequences," such as publicity and continuing employment.
But most important of all, authors haven't learned stop giving their fake memoirs the most the most easily twisted titles in recent memory:
When more than 2% of references to your book call you a liar by putting the same twist on your title, and when all that twist requires is replacing one of your words with the word lies, you're doing something wrong.
Being a man of action, I am doing my part to improve the situation with the publication of my new fake memoir, I'm a Leaking Friar. It features a completely unspoofable title and the compelling story of a man whose prostate problems drive him to isolation in a monastery. Watch for it this fall.
I recently placed 3rd in a Reciting‐Pi Contest at work (with "3.1415926535897932384626"). For this I received a candle. However, my more impressive achievement of placing 1st in a Reciting‐Pi‐Through‐My‐Position‐in‐a‐Reciting‐Pi‐Contest Contest (with "3") has gone oddly unacknowledged.
Every site, no matter how great, has a handful of flaws. My own web site, for instance, is compiled by a custom, unproven backend. It currently has 20 posts, fully 10% of which are dedicated to making fun of (a) homelessness or (b) poverty. And yet with all this greatness comes the occasional problem.
As you would expect, my site is indexed by all the major search engine. But suppose that one of your friends mentioned the site to you and you were stuck immediately by the rare genius of its title. You wanted to know more, so you decided to search for it by name. But there are currently no results. Why? Because the site is not simply named Two Foos Walk into a Bar. No — it is Two 〈Foo〉s Walk into a 〈Bar〉, which, needless to say, is much cooler. Indeed, if you search for the real name, you will find the site.
But what to do? Changing the name of the site is out of the question, you say. True enough. But I'm a step ahead of you: This page, simply by containing the phrase Two Foos Walk into a Bar, will create an entry for that phrase in Google's index, and the problem is solved.
Despite containing only the 10 most recent updates, the site feed is over 300k, due almost entirely to the presence of the full 300k Pitt‐username‐trivia page. That's fine wth me — I personally find sites with incomplete feeds irritating, though I understand the economics at work — but certain tools don't seem to like the 300k feed as much as I do.
To solve this problem, I will — why, yes, I have already solved it. You see, this is the tenth post since I added the username trivia. That means it is no longer part of the feed.
Site problems: Two down, zero to go. Also, note that both problems can, to varying degrees, be blamed on programs that are not mine.
HCEF is holding a Poverty Simulation next weekend. That's right: Poverty is a big lifestyle choice, and it's understandable that you might want to try before you can no longer buy. But be sure to call ahead to sign up, as "space is limited." I'd hate for you to show up and find that they don't have enough for everyone.